Tonight I am dipping in and out of my duties as a volunteer at a local homeless night shelter in London and penning a partial account of my Tuesday night stint keeping in touch with the real world.
…..The blue flashing light of the paramedic’s car arrives at the same moment as I do for the start of my all night shift at the shelter. One of the guests has apparently suffered a seizure and a calm, resigned sort of chaos is the easiest way of describing the scene. An hour later the 58yr old schizophrenic guest is sitting up in a freshly made bed, eating his heated up supper. He seems confused but recovered, poking the exhausted young guy snoring in the bed next to him who an hour ago was trying to help save his life, but who is now apparently annoying him. The Paramedic sits quietly writing up his notes before moving on to the next emergency.
All in a nights work for him and his team.
Crisis averted.
I send up a quiet prayer of grateful thanks for our National Health Service.
2.30am - All is quiet now apart from the hushed, soul searching exchanges between my Polish guardian angel night owl buddy and me - He checks that I remember the word he taught me last week: ‘dyscalculia’ - Yep - random, but the sort of thing he likes to do. I have to sheepishly look up how to spell it ….. We two settle into a familiar and strangely cosy routine until the breakfast shift is due to arrive around 06.30am. Our purpose is to watch over this group of men locked in to the church with us overnight. Safe from being preyed upon. Removed from the chance of violent encounters on the dark streets (though not immune to kicking off occasionally amongst themselves whilst here sadly).
Temporarily away from the numbing temptations of alcohol and drugs, which are banned on the premises.
Temporarily saved from themselves.
12 male guests of various ages, races and creeds. Why no women? Last year there were 3 women, 2 of which were using the time in the shelter to get themselves accommodation and sort out their lives., which is what it is intended for. What makes the men the majority? What is the weakness between the two sexes that makes the men more likely to self-destruct when things go wrong? After 3 years of observing whilst volunteering in this shelter, a lifetime of living with men and raising a son, I struggle to extract any enlightenment or insight from what I see and experience here. I sadly cannot comprehend the kind of addiction that makes people loose every last scrap of their self-respect when things conspire against them. I also cannot comprehend a society that believes it is acceptable to allow the extremely vulnerable and mentally ill among us to be ‘cared for' in the community. Leaving them when incapable, to self medicate and stumble through each day alone, unsupported and misunderstood.
The church pastor and the main organiser of this particular shelter finish their shift tonight scooping excretia that has found its way into the urinals in the mens toilets at some point throughout the evening.
This makes me extremely angry for some reason, even though I am not the one doing the clearing up. There are so many good people volunteering here trying to help, trying to make a difference. Treating the men with dignity and respect; Feeding and clothing them, providing freshly laundered beds, towels and toiletries each night, offering them a friendly welcome with opportunities to get help and seek solutions to their plight. Yet the lure of alcohol and drugs to some of them seems greater than the offer of human kindness. The care givers are left to shovel the shit - literally tonight, which they do with such willing good grace that I feel ashamed of my anger. It seems upon reflection to be unjustifiably judgmental of me. I need to have a talk to my less tolerant self….
I wish that my Red-Bulled, wired old brain and heart could crank up to warp speed and en route conjure up a superpower - one that could stop the rot…..But hey - most of the time I have enough trouble saving me from myself and my own rot….what do I know…I just crack on regardless…..Maybe that is an essential difference. I’m just sitting here drinking endless cups of yucky instant coffee, scoffing the bar of choccy I stupidly bought with the Red Bull and blogging - not exactly the stuff of Nobel Prize winning analysis……And yet who knows, maybe, just maybe the inherent ability to ‘crack on regardless’ is a worthy solution- one of the Superpowers that separates us women from the chaps???? And you know, when we are finished with the old hormones that drive us bonkers every month, we are realistically free to be stronger, shine brighter and contribute to the world with more confidence and accumulated wisdom than we ever were capable of when young. The only limitations are those we set in our own minds (with the exception obviously of health issues). Step up, celebrate it, sing it, take from the pot and give back.....Above all else enjoy the ride ladies. We have never had it so good 💜…… Discuss.
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