➨60 years of time has slipped away, both real and imagined. My life canvas is a work in progress, now entwined with The Invisibility Myth. Third coffee of the day drunk and replenished. I am parked in the welcome shade of an ancient maple tree in France, newly emerged from the blancmange-type fug that has enveloped me on and off for the past week or so. The only harassment comes from a couple of money spiders cruising around my chair, insisting on using my arms as part of their trail, oh and the occasional tortoiseshell butterfly landing on me to fan itself away from the growing heat….
I'm gathering my thoughts about us humans - specifically, where i'm currently at as a woman. Sorry if this all sounds a bit me, me, me, but sometimes I find it’s good to share and vent!
➨As usual with me, the struggle is real to find a thread...
I’m drawn to the opening line of Patti Smith’s M Train, which reads; ‘It’s not so easy writing about nothing’. Patti is not someone I would believe could ever be at a loss for words, but clearly even my heroines have creative hiccoughs and lack of direction on occasions, which is comforting music to my ears! She writes at such times in painterly detail about the minutiae of her life: feeding her cats, hastily dressing to walk to her preferred NYC cafe, her regular order she places of coffee, brown toast, olive oil. So intimate it’s easy to feel that I know her. I metaphorically walk alongside her words in M Train, a complete stranger, a voyeur observing and imagining her life. This is what I seek and enjoy most from interaction with my fellow humans - the detail. Honesty and detail is what I crave, my key to connecting and understanding the motivation of the extraordinary ordinary human existence.
➨I embrace every opportunity to meet new people, however i’m coming to feel that in new social situations I should wear a badge bearing the words: ‘FUCK THE SMALL TALK, SHOW ME YOUR SOUL!’ I want to know how people see and interact with the world, not just what they do as a day job climbing up the monetary greasy pole (unless it’s relevant to the conversation of course). Bit much do you think? Bit intimidating? Bit off-putting? I know, I know, it isn’t that easy for some people to dive straight in - but I am good at encouraging and listening, plus I am genuinely interested…..Truth is, my 60 year old self has less and less tolerance of every day, barely polite small talk, but my interest in observing and endeavouring to understand us humans is growing. Please, please forgive me. Cut me some aged-related slack, I cannot help it if my mind wanders off when faced with polite insincerity, thinking about my next man and dog/cat snuggle with coffee or vodka and tonic in hand…(hmmm-mint/cucumber or citron garnish?) ... Bombard me with a bit of the real, unexpurgated ‘real you’ and you will have my undivided attention!!
➨The reverse dilemma is the internal agony I experience when a new acquaintance asks me the standard, stock question; “And what do you do?”…
Well, how long have you got? We are talking sixty years here after all...
Past? Present? Future?..
Do you really give a rats arse?..
Sometimes there’s a sense that I have only a couple of minutes max to hit the right chord, before the questioner glazes over, starts to panic and their eyes wander round the room for a get-out-of-jail-free card! Not everybody wants to have a real conversation straight off the bat it seems…
In my twenties this would have bothered me. Now I find I am either indifferent or vaguely irritated…
➨According to marketing agency SuperHuman - yes marketing - you know, the business that is paid to tell us what we already know we are doing/feeling, but want to see what field of monetary exploitation is to be had from us, found in a study of 500 women that 80 per cent felt society’s assumptions about middle aged women do not represent how they live their lives, but while older celebrities and models are more visible than ever before in adverts, older women in general still feel ignored……..At odds with the same article that labels us no-age barrier 'Perennials who are ever blooming, relevant people of all ages who know what’s happening in the world, stay current with technology and have friends of all ages. We are involved, curious mentors of others, who are passionate, compassionate, creative, confident, collaborative, global-minded risk takers.’ WOW - aren’t we the awesomest! Now, this is worth a chewing over don’t you think?…..Any takers? Or are you glazing over in a confused mind-fuck of mixed messages? Does this wanting to get straight to the things that matter to me make me a body-swerve sort of guest? Should we of a certain age be content with conversing about that magnificent obsession of oldies past of death, disease and the lavatory? Or should I just shut the **ck up? Yeah but no but, that isn't going to happen with my generation... I think we all need to get out and shout our lack of invisibility more and more in the interests of research and clarification…..
➨Truth to tell, the reason for this particular outpouring, is that I have been spending way too much time beside hospital beds in the past year. The hours/days i’ve spent observing and listening to the comings and goings in A & E and Elderly Care Wards, has galvanised my awareness of making the most of what is important to me while I am able. My accumulated passions and beliefs matter to me, as does leaving behind a truthful, honest legacy of who and what I am. I feel the need to bathe in joy and soak away the pain whenever possible between now and - frankly, who knows when.
➨Right, who is inviting me my big heart and opinionated gob round to theirs for a chin-wag then?💋
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