Life laid out on the table.........

Trust me, I'm human...

   A duvet day…..Pills and caffeine consign the head thump and slight temperature into background noise for four hour breaks, which allows a degree of creative thought.  

   Certain sentences come and go in my head:-  

The nature of trust....The need for pain release.....

   How am I making a connection between the two? 

   By putting out ripples and question marks, opening my heart and mind. 

Airing thoughts...

   ….Amongst a variety of other things, I am an Airbnb host at my London home and people often ask how I seem to so comfortably and easily welcome strangers into my home, hand over a set of keys and actively encourage my guests to feel like it is their own for the duration of their stay (sometimes beyond)?

seek it...

   I find the answer is one that relies to a degree on my personal strength of character and self- belief:- It also lies the nature of how we communicate and empower trust in others - in my case, on two major levels; 

show it...

(1)  My personal decision to accept or deny a booking relies initially on instinct when I view the person(s)profile who are making a booking request.  This is backed up by Airbnb's own references/verifications, but after that it is down to the guest understanding my clear, written requirements regarding behaviour and respect whilst in my home. Then me developing a relationship with the individual guest when they arrive, encouraging them from the start of their stay to treat my home and family as they would their own -hopefully with respect. My own life experience has shown me that you are no more likely to be hurt or abused physically or mentally by a stranger as you are by known members of your own family or friends, which leads me on to:

 

Do it!...

(2)  I work hard to maintain my inherent belief in the goodness of the human race, whilst also recognising and being prepared to encounter and deal with the darker side of humanity. Both thrive from attention and having seen both in my life (who hasn’t?) I choose to dwell on the positive and cut off the negative before it becomes a major problem. If it were a guest I would politely remove them (although thus far this has never been an issue - all my guests have been delightful). Family can be more tricky, but as far as I am concerned - same rules apply.  Being blood related does not supply you with an immunity clause.

I gave this trust thing a lot of thought recently whilst having a rather beautiful tattoo on my wrist, designed and drawn for me by my man to mark my 60th birthday -Phoenix angel wings rising from the flame, ….always optimistically rising and regenerating. 

Lordy it hurt!

   I chose to experience that pain, and yet I am not a self-harmer.

   I felt for some reason I welcomed that pain.

   It was a kind of release from the pressure that had built up in me that I wasn’t even aware of on a conscious level.

   A metaphor for wiping the slate clean and starting afresh.

   My body produced wonderful endorphins in response to the pain of the needles, which resulted in me leaving the tattoo parlour with almost a sense of euphoria.

Balance restored from the weird, intimate experience of giving a stranger permission to permanently mark ones body with ink, in the form of art.

   Many, many hurtful, painful and difficult things have been accumulating in my life for quite a while, as I know they do for everybody.  My life in the main is brim full of joy, grace and abundant love, great family, friends and community. But it is also a life that, through being lived in an open, extroverted not introverted, full-on way, has left me exposed to that dark side. I do not choose to shy away from conflict and as a consequence have to deal with some irrational, bad behaviour from people it is impossible to avoid if you are going to engage with and to learn to trust-or not. Indeed I have experienced reason over the years to trust strangers over some of the people who have been closest to me, who have given me little or no reason to invest in trusting or respecting them. And yet I still believe in the goodness, still keeping my heart and door open to the opportunity to connect.

Always hope...

 For now I will work on maintaining my optimism and tolerance levels, ready to welcome and host as I have been doing, for it has enriched my life beyond measure and helped keep any cynical thoughts to a background mumble....Or is that the brain ache returning as the pills wear off???   

To life....

   There you have it.  Transparency and reflection.  Not something I normally have time to do.

Does any of what I wrote make sense?

Will I look at this tomorrow and not even recognise the person who wrote it!?

   Just laying my life out on the table, putting ideas out there that will maybe resonate with a wider audience. 

Maybe be passed on?

wise

Wise words...