The Invisibility Myth part 7 - Warrior Women!

                                                         💫We are Warrior Women!💫

A Lesson in whipping technique - as you do......

  ➨"This is an emerging generation unlike any in history.  Not only is it the wealthiest and the most storied, it is also the first generation to reach mid-life and believe that they are only half way though”

David Harry Stewart, Ageist.   

YES WE ARE! 

  ➨ I have been contacting people all over the global village, asking them to answer the same dozen life questions I have carefully crafted for my Invisibility Myth project.  Most of the women are unknown to me, other than by their Instagram feeds, word of mouth, or contacts via friends and family. As the responses ping into my inbox, I realise what a huge leap of faith and trust I am expecting from these women.  My goodness, what warrior’s!!! 

➨Their answers have been nakedly honest and give hints to what adversity they have been through in their lives in order to arrive at where they are post fifty.   I am in awe observing these ordinary extraordinary women simply cracking on with their multi-tasking lives.  Seeing their positivity and willingness to embrace so much more in mid-life than our grandparents generation did in their entire lives. I am witnessing the variety of indomitable strength of character and humour shining through each and every set of answers. I am really excited at the prospect of sharing them on my website: theinvisibilitymyth.com very soon now, so that I can add to the debate of the mid life invisibility theory….

  ➨ I suddenly realised that I haven’t answered the questions myself that I have been posting to other women. I have now, and by so doing I am aware how different those questions look from the perspective of interviewee rather than interviewer.  To be honest I found out a couple of well buried things about myself. By letting my responses flow from my heart, stuff came through that I was unaware of feeling in any depth. It proves (if indeed it needs to be) that we are never to old to learn, especially about ourselves……..

 

Interesting comment

     ➨I spend a lot of time at the moment on social media, in the interests of *coughs* - research…Yeah, like its not my daily/nightly obsession anyway….So, I took a momentary pause for thought after reading  this interesting ladies’ Lifestyle blog; thebarefacedchic.co.uk  Cardiff based Michelle Lyndon-Dykes wonders in her ‘Are all bloggers turning into a cliche?’ post, whether we are effectively slaves to the machine driving algorhythms feeding us what they think we like. According to the media, marketing companies know us better than we know ourselves…… I concluded that I have made connections with such a diverse range of people of all ages and cultural backgrounds through my IG likes, and that any common obsessions are what provide that initial connection.  Michelle says; ‘It’s surely how we present these things (we have in common) rather than the act of participation that makes us unique.’…. Beyond that, we ladies of ripe age are such an individual and feisty bunch, I would not DARE to  suggest the word cliche - or indeed, the topic of my book - invisibility, without hearing screams of righteous indignation and derision spinning around the planet! 

                                                    💋 Shine on Luscious Ripe Ladies💋

A la carte approach to reality. The Invisibility Myth part 6

  

➨After riding on a mini wave of joy at having a little article about The Invisibility Myth published in a brilliant online magazine: The Advantages of Age, http://advantagesofage.com/60-visible-fuck-invisibility-myth/ this past week could have been a ‘meh’ kind of time, as I went a bit off the creative boil.  Instead I have filled the time with masses of necessary, long abandoned (*resentful) practicality (*sighs).  Much more importantly, i've also taken some time to spend simply hanging with my friends. My saviours, my cheerleaders, my gang.  The people I can be ‘me’ with. The people who keep me grounded and uplifted and who are not afraid to tell it like it is, who care to come find me when i’m lost. Without them I would not be the whole person I am today. Experience has shown me that there are many different ‘chapters’ within my ever evolving gang;-

Advantages of Age article.

  ➨ The core group going waaaay back in time.  They have long dispersed around the globe following their own adventures, but when we find ourselves on each others shores and our paths cross for delicious, snatched catch-up times there is an unbreakable bond of shared history. 

   ➨There are the friends and neighbours local to where I live, who are like extended family with whom I trust the daily internal machinations of my crazy life and emotional ups and downs.  The ones I know I can call in the middle of the night for help and they are knocking on my door before I have finished my sentence.

   ➨The ones who are like the social butterflies in my life, who flit in and out and are always entertaining and uplifting.  They leave me feeling so enriched by having been in their presence, whilst often having no idea when or where I will see them again, but I kinda know I will, and there is a comfort and mutual understanding within this, that is good enough.

  ➨ The new blood; people I randomly connect with when socialising or travelling. I love the exciting injection of ideas, challenges, concepts, possibilities. The frisson of new relationships extending into the future, working with the theory that less is dull, more is always good. An intense exchange during a journey can be strangely enlightening and enriching, even though I will never see that person again. I think it’s a need for human connection kinda thang within me…..

   ➨ My Famalam.  The reason I breathe.

   ➨Last, and least; the frenemies, that you eject asap…Nuff said.

    ➨Against the aforementioned backdrop of self-imposed but productive creativity, gossip and general displacement activity, (I am uber good at the gd activity-I would venture to say I am a perfectionist) I have been waiting for feedback and - ahem - dare I say it - support from the commercial sector with whom I occasionally rub shoulders.  The photo shoot I documented in a previous posting has fizzled.  The enthusiastic and sincere promises made to me on that mid-March day-ones I was at pains to tell the company concerned, I was not originally seeking out, have not yet been realised.  In fact, until I emailed to ask what was happening with my account, there had been zero communication.  I was asked to contact them for an ‘aftercare telephone appointment’, which I duly did and had no reply….OK, this photo shoot was not for my chosen career path and was originally undertaken as research for my book The Invisibility Myth, but really, how cynical it is to have been sold a potential lie, instead of the unvarnished truth.

I made the decision to be honest and transparent on that day, and they acted like they loved the Invisibility concept. How bugging to feel the sting of disappointment - even if I wasn’t  seeking what they offered anyway…On the plus side, I have a brilliant set of professional photos for my own publicity use, so the cup is overall half-full. In order to keep up, you may have to read previous posts for clarity!  I am not good in defeat, even though I am always determined to rise above it, but will never accept a a la carte approach to reality in any sector of my life…Acting with honour is a biggie with me, and I expect - nay demand it in return…

  ➨Hearing Rudyard Kipling in my head...you can just If off Sir!!!!!!!:-

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all (wo)men doubt you, 

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, 

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, 

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, 

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise: 

If you can dream—and not make dreams your (mistress)master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster 

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken 

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, 

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, 

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings 

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, 

And lose, and start again at your beginnings 

    And never breathe a word about your loss; 

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew 

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you 

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’ 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings(Queens)—nor lose the common touch, 

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, 

    If all (wo)men count with you, but none too much; 

If you can fill the unforgiving minute 

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a (Wo)Man, my (daughter)son

   ➨Yeah right - idealised, neat theory.  All this serves to do is make me stay focused and be extra sparkly, with a mere hint, a mere drizzle of irritation creeping around the periphery. 

   ➨Much better to mutter the following while licking my (very small) wound:-

💜You torment yourself wondering

 how they could not love your

 Burning heart 

and the answer is darling,

You are not the star

you thought you were

You are the fucking universe

and not everyone is an astronaut.💜

   ➨Hell-to-the-yesssssss.  No idea who to credit for these fine words, but it lifts me right back up to fly with the eagles…..Golden ones naturally, sipping fizz and dancing the Watusi before takeoff.

   ➨Anyhow, in the great scheme of my Invisibility Myth theory, does this little knock back make me feel invisible? No. Not even on a bad day.  It reminds me that shit happens. Would it make you feel invisible?  I hope not. This colourful life needs your smiles.

   ➨Oh yeah, not long till my website will be running, so I can share all the wonderful stories and photos i'm gathering.  It would appear that I am in the very zeitgeist of a new movement. 

   ➨Think I need to stop now….

💜Peace and Loveage Beautiful Humans.💜

What unadorned, sun kissed 60 really looks like!

A friend describes Jeanie as an adventurer of the heart and mind. A 60 year old with a lust for life, she is a mother, decorative artist, designer, traveller, Airbnb host and ex-restaurateur. Currently she is studying a Humanities Degree, having self-educated since leaving school at 16 and working on a book; The Invisibility Myth, exploring how extraordinary ordinary older women see themselves in the 21st century. 

She lives in West London and France with her husband, boomeranging children and a variety of other animals.

Chairman Jeanie philosophy

                                                   

The Invisibility Myth part 5-Be the heroine of your own adventure

➨I am more & more aware that soon we will be the elder states persons in our lives…

  ➨ So, my project is gathering momentum.  I had the honour of doing the first, virgin fresh interview for my fledgling book; The Invisibility Myth the other day. I deliberately sought out someone I had no history with, a new friend (as I now like to think of her), so I had no pre-conceived notions of what she would say to me.

   ➨London that day was sporting a spectacular coat of spring blossom, full of optimism and possibility, which perfectly echoed my mood. I was en route from the west to the north side of town, to meet ‘C’ as I will call her for now.  A wonderful woman who will be 63years old this year, so well within my chosen demographic for research.  She is brim full of vim and vigor, honesty, opinions, wisdom, insight, creativity. Getting on with being the heroine in her own life;

Unapologetically the sum of her accumulated years of experience;  an ever evolving kaleidoscope of a life lived and living in colour,  with few shades of grey.  During the interview, as she referenced a time when a number of people she was close to had passed away, she said the words; ‘I was surrounded by more ghosts than people’,….WOWSA ….It started me thinking that soon WE who still consider ourselves (in our heads)  to be youthful and with so much yet to say/do/be, will inevitably have to take on the crown of the elder states persons in our own lives.  A sobering thought. I’m not yet ready for this, I don’t feel old, wise or mature enough!  

   ➨As I record ‘C’ picking out questions from my list to answer, it becomes abundantly clear to me that there is no singular experience of all women. We assume so many roles in our individual lives, but perhaps the most important role we play is  that of nurturing empowerment in other women to do/be/evolve into what best suits them.  We also have a wider responsibility to the tender young women in our lives. So much of my dialogue with ‘C’ revolved around these topics.

 We should fill them with positive affirmation and assurance that it will all be ok, because despite all that has happened to us - the older women - in our individual life adventures, we have survived. The future will be chock full of possibilities for them, despite all those insecurities being driven by crazy hormones.  I am reminded of Caitlin Moran’s  heartbreaking open letter to the young women she encounters at her book signings, its from her book; Moranifesto.  I’m picking out a tiny quote:-  “Know that you were not born scared and self-loathing and overwhelmed. Things have been done - which means things can be undone.  It is hard work. But what you must do right now, and for the rest of your life, is learn how to build a girl. You.”……

The full piece catapulted me back to my own youth - the conflicting feelings and emotional insecurities.  The promise I made to myself to always remember those physical feelings, even though the detail would be lost in time, so that I could support others. I laugh to myself when I think how badly as an adult I dealt with some of the more extreme teen behaviour of my own offspring….My excuse being that I was peri-menopausal at the time…….Oh well, we are human after all…… 

   ➨We grow, we bloom, absorbing what is around us.  We keep on blooming - or should do - until we complete the cycle of life/death/rebirth and embark on the next adventure.  I don’t know about you, but this thought has sure as hell comforted me in my ‘dark night of the soul’ moments…..Still does.

 ➨Recently, I paused my day of to chat with two old guys - ordinary, extraordinary elders from my London street.

They were born in 1933 and 1929, making them 84 and 88 years old and they always, always have great life affirming stories to share.  The younger one was having difficulty remembering  details, but the other is as active mentally and physically (within reason- he is older than god!) as he always has been.

Guyanese Eric and Jessica Huntley  founded a radical publishing business called The Bogle L’Ouverture Press in 1968 from their house, which is only slightly quieter now that Jessica his beloved wife has passed away.  Life was anything but easy for them back in 1970’s London when they arrived separately to pursue their passion. The title of their autobiography; “Doing Nothing is Not an Option” says it all about their life principle. Their home is a revolving door of people of all ages and races seeking out the company of Jessica and Eric, wanting to be inspired by their stories and wisdom.  Go to’s for advice, education, comfort and occasionally a good telling off! To me they are icons of their age. The epitome of the “extraordinary ordinary”.  My life is undoubtedly enriched from having them as neighbours and friends.  I must ask them who they look up to……

    ➨Apropo of nothing in particular, my man was 59 a few days ago. I will be 61 this year…..

Am I/we ready to grow up and be elder states persons?  Not really.

Am I/we wiser?  A bit, not much.

Am i/we evolving?  Sure are - just not sure in what way! 

Be kind humans.....Don't forget to be your own heroine.

Love and Peace.

The Invisibility Myth part 4. Now for the real work

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn't matter.” —Mark Twain. 

   My final night shift in the homeless shelter for 2017 (perfect volunteer work for the insomniacs among us) and my mind is buzzing with an avalanche of thoughts and ideas I need to give form to.

Last night my daughter’s boyfriend created my web domain; theinvisibilitymyth.com, so now the real work begins to get this book writing show on the road. I am starting to gather interviews with some of the extraordinary ordinary women I am encountering on this journey.  I will start to form and paint the website with stories and photographs and ultimately create and publish a book that will inspire and celebrate the real lives of us women; who we are, where we have come from, where we are headed.  A celebration of lives lived, experiences shared. Mutual empowerment….. I’m exciting myself here!

   So, i’m reaching out, asking you to email me at; jeanielovesart@gmail.com if you would like to share. I would absolutely LOVE to hear from you if you do, and promise to get back to you.  The idea is for you to answer a set list of 20 questions that will tell a short version of your life - life stories of you extraordinary ordinary women’s adventures to add to my own.  Preferably I would like you to be post 50, but i’m open to hear you all!…. 

   Why am I doing this?  

   I'm glad you asked... 

Here's the thing; At 50 I woke up as if from a dream state.  For 10 years I had been what is now recognised as peri-menopausal.  Functioning for periods of time in a foggy grey bubble of un-reality, which I found it imposssible to get the medical profession to properly diagnose.  I believed I had become invisible - to myself and to the world.  This was SO not like me.  Every now and then I would have periods of relative "normality", but always ended up back in the bubble. Waves of hormones and mood swings made me unpredictable company.  I want to stress that this was NOT people making me feel this way, it was something organic dwelling within me.  A hormonally driven craziness that made me feel as if I were not really here.  Around my 50th birthday the greyness and fog lifted.  It was like a re-birth of sorts.  I dwelt comfortably once more in my old skin and partied for my 50th birthday like it was - erm - 2006…..Time to move on with life in real time, not dream time.  I have been making up for that lost time for the past 10 years.

   Self-image interests me, so I am drawn to delve into the credibility or otherwise of the ‘invisibility’ card. I recently read of a woman saying:  “Age, I now realise doesn’t creep up, it fells you with changes you didn’t see coming.  And it happens at 50.  You vanish, replaced by an old and forgettable woman”. ????? Seriously????? I remind myself what is being put out there by re-visiting feminist writer Naomi Wolf in her book ‘The Beauty Myth”.  Her reasoning is cultural, systemic and makes for depressing reading. Thankfully,  most of us women are too busy getting on with our lives, to get bogged down in the detail in the book of the demands of the so called patriarchy. I do not want to give oxygen to this myth, and here’s why;  It’s all in our individual heads….Put there by years of conditioning and experiences. We need to let it go. In order to be the person I am today, I have had to let go of a veritable Trump Tower full of accumulated baggage.  The truth is that women in the western world are freer than ever to celebrate being the women we want to be in 2017 and we seem to be blind to it.  The 1st rule should be that we give ourselves permission to really feel beautiful from deep within and foster a strong personal identity. We are being complicit in our own downfall by harsh self-judgment and criticism of ourselves and each other. The title of Norah Ephrons book: I feel Bad About My Neck, is an honest, funny account of ageing, but the title says much about our default tendency to see ourselves in a negative, concerning light. My accumulated 60 years experience of living, feels so unfettered now, compared to the winging it of my youth.  The more natural, home spun self confidence age has brought me is no longer the unwieldy, unpredictable, misunderstood tool it once was. It sits comfortably with me as I feel the power age and wisdom has conferred. My post menopausal sexiness if you like, is now in the form of that confidence, not in obsessing about the need to seek plastic surgery for (among other things) - vaginal rejuvenation - who does that other than accident victims? I know I am 60.  I own it.  It walks with me on my cranky knees ffs!

Nasty bitching about a woman - oh - by a woman....

   Who, in the main are the advertising copy writers, the editors/writers of the fashion magazines???? - yes - WOMEN. Powerful women in charge of a multi-million pound business. Women who decide what to validate or knock down.  What to give us overt permission through their tag lines to do/be/say. It is a form of bullying to my mind.  Ladies we need to stop feeding this judging of one another.  We all do it and it needs to stop. Period. Be who you want to be.  Empower and allow others to do likewise…It’s not a competition- or shouldn’t be. There is no prize. However, there is a goal; - Self worth. Self-respect. Happiness. Positive connection with the human race, positive role-models for our daughters and younger women. We are the keepers of a hot, hot flame!

What a sad, sad viewpoint to buy into.....

…..If perchance you do choose to buy into some of this ‘older women are invisible’ malarky, maybe shoplifting is a good choice of career for you….If salespersons do ignore you…well, those goodies could find their way into your bag and out the door unobserved……Maybe you  could eat and drink in restaurants and leave without paying the bill…..Or book into expensive hotels and slope off in plain sight at the end of your stay unobserved…Just an idea….I’m not sure you'll find you are as invisible as you may think you are……..

Nice to see the press occasionally validating  my beliefs...

The Invisibility Myth Part 3

❤....Another day another altered state. The mind blows so many emotions around in a tornado of challenges. Who is this person looking back at my stripped bare face from the steam clouded mirror in the bathroom, hair on end, the errant remains of yesterdays makeup smeared down my face?....I kind of know her….Been kicking around since oooh 1956...

➨Face says 60.

➨Brain says 30.

The battle rages - Not between me and my brain, I know myself, there are no more illusions - but between me and the media image of my 60 year old self.  I’m thinking of a few poster queens: The surgically enhanced, photo-shopped Kardashianesque types.  The Theresa May school prefect and captain of the hockey team, glass ceiling busting hard-arse types.  The actress/musician/model verbalising their mid-life crises by bemoaning the lack of roles for older women, whilst nip/tucking/lifting/botoxing to ridiculous extremes.  Is this really something we want to aspire to in order to be visible? I personally try to venture out without being hyper-aware of my age and just approach the world with an open mind and heart. I endeavor to out manoeuvre the script dictators and stick to dancing to the soundtrack of my own life, continue to evolve from within my chosen colourful tribe. It’s fun to dress up, make the most of myself and promenade like the exotic, wisdom filled old bird I like to think I am. I strive to encourage and empower everyone I encounter to stop making excuses and say yes, yes, YES, rather than 'no' or 'maybe' whenever the opportunity arises to have fun.

Spitalfields Colour walk with an awesome bunch of creative people..

❤I’m convinced that we are more interested in seeing and being inspired by examples to emulate, from the ordinary extraordinary non-celeb older women who, like me, have been cracking on with this life thing since time.  After all, we are freer to do so than at any other time in our history.  We have been messily attempting and succeeding in doing it our own way, since we were old enough to customise our school uniforms and forge a fake ID, and the stories are often comedy gold….and lets not forget, laughter and sex is good for the health!

❤So what keeps us in the closet?

Who says we vanish from view post 50?

❤We simply don’t.  It just suits a whole load of other people’s agendas, when and if we buy into the hype that spawns a whole industry of pills, potions, surgery and dependence. Regardless of age or sex, one can find a virtually inexhaustible supply of people who will be happy to make you feel badly about yourself if you let them. Why would we give anyone that much power over us?

❤The mainstream media/advertising industry, for some reason are failing to see the rising tide of a more visible than ever generation of older women.  Once they believe that it's financially advantageous to promote a positive image of us golden oldies - BOOM – we will go public in a big and hopefully enlightened way.  The current refusal to acknowledge the worth, beauty and sexuality of us post-menopausal women is their financial loss in my opinion. There is nothing stopping a revolutionary shift in mainstream exposure other than our demanding of it – if indeed that is what we do want. We are free and empowered to make those choices.

❤In the interests of research, I impetuously filled in an online advertisement for models of all ages and sizes required. I was confident in my belief that when they saw my age and photo they would not get back to me.  They did.  Eek. I decided to be truthful with the phone interviewer about my motivation - ie; seeking research material to prove my invisibility and the media theory for my book; The Invisibility Myth.  Surprisingly, amusingly gob-smacked, I am invited in for a photo shoot.  Double eek!

Showered, blank canvas - ish.....

❤Sooooo,  yesterday I rocked up at the photographic studio in Marylebone, London.  Fresh faced as requested (apart from my lippy – I feel naked without it!), with a suitcase full of “looks” trawled from my wardrobe for potential portfolio/agency photographs.  You know what? Not going to lie, I had a blast, despite my reservations.  Oh the joy of having someone else do the hair, the makeup.... the preening!  The only vaguely uncomfortable moment was having my waist size taken (no comment!).  I have posted some of the un-retouched photos on this blog, because I am proud of the me they show. Plus, the opportunity it afforded me, to chat to the young women who work there and those coming and going, about research for my book, and experience the less than glam reality of the selection process of potential models from 3 to 60, was both fascinating and enlightening. 

I have never looked this glam!

I felt nothing but huge respect for the courage and determination of young people who decide that a career in the media spotlight is their calling in life.  My own agenda was different, therefore being seen as a potential older model at the end of the shoot was an amusing and unexpected bonus. When and if, the agency concerned actually translates what happened with me yesterday into paying work, we shall see.  I shall look past any hype and have fodder for my book regardless.  Yesterday’s shenanigans may see my un-botoxed, unsnapped and nipped 60 year old face and body off on a whole new adventure, pioneering the glam older woman look into a more mainstream acceptance – squee!!!  Who knows? Stranger things have happened.

The gold shoes had another outing...

❤Just call me Helen for now – that’s Helen Mirren – Now THERE'S a glam babe….But she’s mainstream, therefore outside my chosen remit….

However, if anyone fancies making a film of my life, I always wanted her to play me…..in the absence of the real me of course .... And quite honestly that real me ain't aiming on going anywhere invisible in the foreseeable future...Accompanied by my freedom pass of course... 

                                                   💋I am ever the optimist.💋

                                                           Love in abundance.